As a baby, Konner was easy going and mellow. Such a little sweetheart. He did everything early, teethed, walked, talked, everything. Every Dr appointment I was told how advanced and mature he was for his age. And then he turned 18 months.
Turning 18 months seemed to be some sort of trigger for my little buddy. Gone was the easy going, mellow baby. He entered the Terrible Toddlers. AND HE NEVER CAME OUT!! He was hyper. He could not or would not just sit still and concentrate on one project. He threw tantrums. He climbed on everything and got into everything (he even patiently picked away at the duct tape I used to keep the lid to the fish tank closed with one little finger and then went fishing). He did not have an off button. And he would NOT take naps. He fought bedtime every night. And he would NOT sleep in in the morning! Normal toddler, right?
Except after a few years, it wasn't lessening. He was adding to his arsenal of frustrating habits. By the time he was 4, he was having meltdowns if his shoes weren't "Konner tight". And "Konner tight" was so ridiculously tight that I could never get them tight enough. So almost every morning on our way to preschool, he would have an exhausting meltdown. He started arguing almost everything with me. And he started back talking me. I asked the Dr about possible ADHD. I knew it was a possibility. It's genetic, and it runs in my family. He told me that they don't diagnose that until the kids are in school.
He started Kindergarten, and his struggles seemed to plateau. Same struggles. Nothing new. Same old issues. Sitting still in class was a struggle for him. Not talking to his friends while in class was a struggle for him. Keeping his hands to himself was a struggle for him. Homework bored him. He had no interest in it. So I had a meeting with his teacher. She was great. She genuinely cared about Konner, and she was very willing to work with me. She put him on a daily contract that micromanaged his behavior throughout the day. His behavior in class improved. He brought home more blues (the best behavior color). She gave him harder work to do. He excelled. He tested advanced in most of his benchmarks.
He went into 1st grade. He tried to get away with slacking off. I talked to his teacher. I told her not to let him get away with slacking off. She didn't believe that he was as smart as I claimed he was. Because you see, my little buddy tends to be a little bit of an underachiever. And he is only going to give the bare minimum of what you expect of him. He has no desire to spend more time than absolutely necessary on anything other than play. When he took his spelling tests at school and brought me home a 6 out of 10 regularly, I was a bit baffled. I mean, after all, he got 10 out of 10 on his practice tests at home. Something did not make sense here. So off I went again to the teacher. The next week she sat him right next to her during his test, and he got a 10 out of 10. Hmmmmmm...... From then on, she sat him next to her for his spelling tests, and from then on he brought home a 10 out of 10. Another time, the kids were taking a math test. She walked around the class and noticed that Konner was writing down all the answers his friend wrote down (copying/cheating). She picked up his paper and asked him "Konner. Math is your strength. Why are copying your neighbor's work?" She gave him another test and moved him next to her. 100% And the friend he was copying? Not so good. From then on, all tests were taken right next to her. When benchmarks rolled around, she was excited to tell me that he tested advanced in everything. Duh. Didn't I tell her in the beginning of the year?
He went into 2nd grade. Plateau is gone, and now we are spiking again. The principle told me that he belonged in the 2nd/3rd combo, but because he lacks the ability to focus, she put him in straight 2nd grade. I was ok with that. When the 1st report card came out, he brought home a mediocre report card. No 4s (As), very little 3s (Bs), and mostly 2s and Ss (Cs). You may be thinking that that's not a bad report card. And you'd be right, but it is nowhere close to what he had brought home every time before. And it is nowhere close to what he is capable of. I talked to his teacher. I told her he was slacking off and not to let him in class. Her response was "I don't think his report card was horrible." Ummm ok. He took his 1st benchmarks of the year and tested proficient instead of advanced. What? He started getting in constant trouble for being "aggressive" with his friends. He's hyper. He's ridiculously silly. And he's rough. He thinks it's funny to jump on his friends. His friends don't like this. They tell him to stop, and he keeps right on bouncing around. I started getting regular reports from his teacher of bad behavior, aggressive behavior. He all of a sudden no longer even cares to do his homework or even if it's done right. He's just writing random answers down (example: If Anna's watch says it's a quarter to 3, which watch is Anna's, A, B, or C? Konner's answer: Purple. I kid you not). I talked to his teacher again, about sitting him by himself in class, Sitting him near her in tests. She would not do it. She has her reasons. By December she and I are now disagreeing and arguing a bit. I wanted her to challenge him. She told me that he isn't interested in being challenged. Gate testing rolled around. My hyper kid, who can't sit still, and can't focus on more than one thing at a time got an 88%. You need an 89% to get into Gate. His score was pretty dang good unfocused. I can only imagine what it would have been if he were focused! She told me that the score showed he's a high thinker, but he's still not interested, only my husband and I are interested in him being challenged. What the heck, lady??? What kind of teacher refuses to challenge a kid when his mom specifically tells her she wants him challenged just because he's not interested???? So what??? I don't care. Give him the work. He'll do it. Second benchmarks of the year roll around, and my child who has gone from testing Advanced, advanced, advanced, advanced to proficient, now tests basic. What????? Around the same time he takes his 2nd benchmarks, I discover his friends are now being unkind to him (telling him to go away and play by himself, moving his lunch away from them, calling him names, pushing him, and not inviting him to any of their parties this year).
The past few months have been very difficult with and for Konner. Now he cries daily over thee most ridiculous things. His temper is exploding over small things. He's gotten rather mean to his sisters. He's flat out rude to me. He's defiant. He's started shoving me when he's mad. He's throwing things, slamming doors.... What happened to my sweet buddy? Getting him to school in the morning has been a literal fight. Never has he so fiercely fought going to school. I've gotten to the point where I dread picking him up from school. I know that the second I pick him up until he is asleep I am not going to have a moments peace. And I start crying. I'm crying because I'm angry that he is behaving the way he is. I'm hurting that something is going on with my kid that I can't seem to fix. I'm upset that his teacher is more interested in arguing with me and picking at my kid, than she is in actually helping him. His behavior has gotten worse, and his emotions have gotten more fragile. His friends are now being unkind to him. He's now being bullied because he's been so obnoxious. That makes my heart ache. I understand why the kids are behaving the way they are with him now, and I understand that they don't understand what is going on with him, but it breaks my heart that he is going through this. On top of that, he's got a teacher who picks on him. She has not once had a kind thing to say about him. She doesn't praise him at all when he does anything good. But she doesn't miss a single negative thing about him, and unfortunately, Konner gives her lots in that department! (Another mom in the class caught on to her picking on Konner all by herself, it was very validating for me to know I'm not just imagining things).
Two months ago I took Konner to the Drs. I told her what was going on with him. She had both me and his teacher fill out 2 different sets of evaluation forms on him. And she diagnosed him with ADHD. I've learned a lot about ADHD since. So much makes more sense now. We decided to go with behavioral therapy. For the past 2 months, Konner goes to weekly therapy sessions. This therapist is wonderful. She's kind to Konner. She actually likes Konner. And she wants to fight for Konner. That makes me so happy, because up to this point it's been me against the teacher. This teacher is stubborn and a my way only kind of teacher. I've never had such an experience with a teacher before. I'm used to getting along with them. This one not only refuses to do as I ask or work with me, but she also refuses to do as the therapist asks. And I have left out all the belittling of me, condescension, and flat out defensive arguing every time I try to discuss Konner with her. And no, I'm not exaggerating. This is what I deal with with this teacher, she really does belittle me and speak in a condescending tone to me.
After 2 months of therapy, and his teacher telling me there has been absolutely no positive change in Konner, seeing what has happened with his friends, his emotionally fragile state, and his grades and benchmarks quickly declining, we've decided that medication is in his best interest right now. He started yesterday. I'm hopeful that this will help him. Because as stressed as I have been, he's suffered more. We'll get through the rest of this school year. And hopefully 3rd grade will bring a change and a happy Konner. And a MUCH better teacher. I wouldn't trade this kid for the world. He has a good heart, and even a kind heart. He's sensitive and caring. And I hate that some people can't see through his struggles to see all this. He's my buddy, and I'm always going to fight for him (all of my kids), regardless of how much a teacher dislikes me. I want the best for him, and mediocre from him and resistance from his teacher are not what's best for him.
.JPG)
0 comments:
Post a Comment